Ham Jokes

YOU MIGHT BE A HAM IF........
1. YOUR WIFE SAID "LETS GO SEE AUNT ANNA AND YOU THOUGHT SHE SAID ANTENNA!

2. YOUR WIFE SAID "COULD YOU CUT THE GRASS?" AND YOU THOUGHT SHE SAIDPOUND THE BRASS!

3. YOUR WIFE SAID "WE'VE BEEN INVITED TO BREAKFAST AND YOU THOUGHT SHESAID HAM FEST!

4. YOUR WIFE SAID "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE CHECK BOOK AND YOU THOUGHT SHE SAID LOG BOOK!

5. YOUR WIFE SAID "IS MY SEAM STRAIGHT? AND YOU THOUGHT SHE SAID, " IS MYBEAM STRAIGHT?'

A HAM NAMED ELMER LIVED WITH HIS XYL NAMED SUE. WHILE AT THE QTH ONE NIGHT, SUE SUDDENLY WENT QRT. (DIED). ELMER PICKED UP THE PHONE, AND CALLED 911 AND REPORTED THAT HIS WIFE HAD JUST DIED AND COULD SOMEONE COME OVER TO PICK HER UP. THE OPERATOR ASKED FOR HIS ADDRESS AND ELMER SAID HE LIVED ON THE END OF EUCALYPTUS LANE...SHE ASKED HIM TO SPELL THAT. THERE WAS A LONG PAUSE ON THE END OF THE LINE AND THEN ELMER SAID. "HOW ABOUT I JUST DRAG HER OVER TO OAK STREET AND YOU MEET ME THERE"!!
HEARD ON 2O METERS

"Yesterday, my XYL said she'd leave me if I didn't give up ham radio.Over."Two elderly hams had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures on the ham bands. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name and your call.! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember them. Please tell me what they are." His friend glared at him. For at least three minutes he just stared and glared at the gray haired old man.. Finally he said, "How soon do you need to know?

An elderly ham and his XYL were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old ham back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.

It read:"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her posterior was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . .please advise" The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!"

Three brothers ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. He puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs and says "Was I getting in or out?"

The 94 year old yells back "I don't know. I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses. Then he yells "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old HAM is sitting in front of his HF rig and listening to his brothers. He shakes his head picks up the mic and says "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks on wood for good measure. He then yells into the mic, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door".

Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers.After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity...where it is transformed by TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a "circuit"........Dave Barry